i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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