where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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