that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize