taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
