Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
