Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
