Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize