I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
