YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
