a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
