I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
