Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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