Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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