so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this boner is exhausting
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
