Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i drank out of a bidet.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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