remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
