then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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