Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
