i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
