Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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