you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
