I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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