I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
MIDGETS
????
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
