she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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