is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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