it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Success! We fucked roommates!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
