I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
