I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
