Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
