thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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