Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
