I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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