So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
