do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
