i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
