theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
