Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
