the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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