He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
