ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
