Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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