I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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