We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
