i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
