party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
