drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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