Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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