1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
