Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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