i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
