I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
