I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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