well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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