I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
