i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
