Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
