I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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