Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
handjob tips. give me some.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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