First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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