I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We have so much sex to catch up on
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
