so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
