A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
