I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
