I need help removing her.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
