you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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