why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
