Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
