Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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