i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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