Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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