you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
