i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
